About domestic abuse
If someone like a partner, ex-partner or a family member uses bullying or controlling behaviour, threatens violence or is violent towards you, it could be a sign of domestic abuse.
It is a myth that domestic abuse doesn't happen to men. It does. In fact, anyone can experience domestic abuse regardless of your gender, age, ethnicity, sexuality or beliefs.
There are many types of abuse and they can happen once, or form a pattern of behaviour. Examples include:
- a pattern of intimidation, being repeatedly belittled or controlled with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence
- being isolated from your friends or family
- psychological and/or emotional abuse
- physical or sexual abuse
- financial or economic abuse like not allowing, or controlling, your access to money, a mobile phone, use of the internet or food
- stalking and harassment
- online or digital abuse
Recognising the signs of domestic abuse
Sometimes it isn't always clear if what is happening at home is wrong. If you've ever felt afraid of the person, or you've changed your behaviour because you're afraid of what they might do, it could be domestic abuse.
Here are some questions to ask yourself that may help you spot if things aren't quite right. If you answer yes to any of the questions, you might be in an abusive relationship.
Does the person ever:
- belittle you, or put you down?
- blame you for the abuse or arguments?
- deny that abuse is happening, or play it down?
- isolate you from your family and friends?
- stop you going to college or work?
- make unreasonable demands for your attention?
- accuse you of flirting or having affairs?
- tell you what to wear, who to see, where to go, and what to think?
- control your money, or not give you enough to buy food or other essential things?
Does the person ever:
- threaten to hurt or kill you?
- destroy things that belong to you?
- stand over you, invade your personal space?
- threaten to kill themselves or the children?
- read your emails, texts or letters?
- harass or follow you?
- kick, punch or use other forms of physical abuse towards you?
- hurt you in a number of ways?
Does the person ever:
- slap, hit or punch you?
- push or shove you?
- bite or kick you?
- burn you?
- choke you or hold you down?
- throw things?
- sexually abuse you?
Does the person ever:
- touch you in a way you don't want to be touched?
- make unwanted sexual demands?
- hurt you during sex?
- pressure you to have unsafe sex - for example, not using a condom?
- pressure you to have sex?
Abusers may use technology to control, harass or intimidate you. They may carry out physical, sexual, psychological, or economic abuse using technology.
For example, they may hack your phone, cyberstalk you, or use social media, cameras, or other kinds of technology to try to harm or control you or your children.
Signs you may be experiencing technology-facilitated abuse:
- Is your abuser constantly sending you messages or calling?
- Has someone hacked your phone or email?
- Is someone cyberstalking you?
- Does your partner or ex-partner check up on you all the time?
- Is someone posting about you online or threatening to share images?
- Does your partner or ex-partner show up wherever you are?
- Is your abuser controlling your tech?
- Does an ex-partner try to get to you through your children?
- Do you feel you need to change what you do to keep someone calm?
- Does an abuser have access to your online banking or benefits?
- Is your partner using smart home devices against you?
Further detailed information and support on tech abuse and how to secure your devices
Need to talk?
For confidential advice, information and support, call the freephone 24-hour national domestic abuse helpline 0808 2000 847.
Remember, always call 999 in an emergency.
